January 20, 2017

The man of the moment strode through the long Capitol corridor with boundless energy, preempting the gushing crowd to clear a path, lest they be bowled over by the man in a big hurry to assume the reins of power. At long last he had arrived. It was a moment for which they had waited eight long years. He was their president. A Republican president.

And as the 45th President of the United States took the Oath of Office, they knew they were witnessing one of those rare moments in history when the wheels of power turn to usher in a new era.

True to form, the new president and vice president had assembled a Republican Dream Team, mostly consisting of their former rivals-turned-allies. Then like thoroughbreds bolting from the gate, they moved at such a pace that even the media couldn’t keep up.

Secretary of State Ted Cruz immediately contacted his British and French counterparts to shore up the alliance to destroy ISIS in six months. Next, he declared that the US Embassy would be moved to Jerusalem that week. He then called each Sunni Arab Gulf State leader to inform them that the nuclear deal with Iran was off and the trade embargo and sanctions would be re-imposed.

Secretary of Defense John McCain followed up with a new directive to counter Chinese aggression in East Asia and the South China Sea. The US would reopen its former military bases in the Philippines, and to the astonishment of the press, announced that Vietnam had agreed to host the US Seventh Fleet, an alliance that the former Senator/POW had personally brokered.

Secretary of Commerce Carly Fiorina announced a 60 day deadline for China to end its unfair trade practices or face a US economic retaliation that would send the Chinese economy into a tailspin. Major US companies were told if they chose to move their operations outside the US, severe consequences would follow. Ford was specifically warned it would be hit with a 35% tariff on all its cars manufactured in Mexico.

Secretary of the Treasury Rand Paul announced that the IRS would be abolished within two years. The new tax form would be just one page, with all deductions and loopholes eliminated. A flat tax of 10% would be enacted for everyone. The current highest-in-the-world corporate taxes would be reduced to 20%, and to 10% within four years.

Secretary of Labor John Kasich then declared that due to the new tax code and the curtailing of unfair trade practices, manufacturing jobs would return from overseas and unemployment would become a statistical blip.

Secretary of the Interior Sarah Palin issued a directive to open much of her native Alaska and the California coast to oil exploration. Most of the federal land in the West would be sold off to ranchers and farmers.

Secretary of Energy Bobby Jindal declared that with the restrictions lifted on domestic oil drilling, the US would become energy independent within two years, and an energy exporter within four. Construction of the Keystone Pipeline would begin immediately.

Secretary of Homeland Security Chris Christie announced that construction of the border wall between the US and Mexico would begin next week. He immediately suspended all immigration from Muslim countries with any ties to Islamic terrorist entities. The TSA was ordered to stop harassing ordinary law abiding Americans, and start profiling real potential terrorists.

Attorney General Rudy Giuliani ordered all local law enforcement to cooperate with federal authorities in finding and arresting illegal immigrants. He ordered the FBI to investigate all US Islamic organizations with suspected ties to terrorists and to initiate the surveillance of all radical mosques. Mayors of so-called “sanctuary cities” were warned to stop or face prosecution.

Secretary of Health and Human Services Dr. Ben Carson declared the end of Obamacare. With the rapid rise in employment expected from the administration’s new tax code and trade policies, he also predicted that welfare dependency would drop 50% within four years.

Secretary of Agriculture Mike Huckabee followed up that Food Stamp dependency would also dramatically decrease. He added that the president’s gradual elimination of farm subsidies would likewise save billions per year.

Secretary of Veterans Affairs Lindsey Graham was thrilled to announce that due to the expected revenue windfall from the president’s new tax code, coupled with the billions saved on welfare recipients getting new manufacturing jobs, his budget would be tripled.

Secretary of Transportation Bernie Sanders, rewarded with a cabinet post after his Independent candidacy insured Hillary’s defeat, had no immediate plans other than to propose bicycle lanes on all interstate highways.

The Department of Housing and Urban Development was closed and the federal housing projects turned over to the cities. The Department of Education was also shut down, but the president was quick to add that any university imposing speech codes would lose federal funding.

De-Regulation Czar Mitt Romney, given unprecedented powers to accelerate federal deregulation in business and industry, predicted a massive expansion of large and small businesses.

Ambassador to Mexico Jeb Bush explained in fluent Spanish to his Mexican counterparts that famous American saying, “Good fences make good neighbors.”

And that was just day one of the new Republican administration.

As the nation’s 45th President stood on the White House lawn politely waving farewell to Barack Obama as he left for his new dream job as Secretary General of the United Nations, he turned to his assembled staff and echoed a phrase not heard in a generation… It’s Morning in America Again.

 

Tom Mountain is chairman of the Newton Republican City Committee and a candidate for State Committee

About Thomas Mountain

Tom Mountain is Chairman of the Newton Republican City Committee, one of the largest and most active Republican Committees in the state. He was a weekly conservative columnist for the Jewish Advocate (2007-12), the Newton TAB (2002-09), and has written for The Boston Globe, Boston Herald, and Wall Street Journal, among others. He is a founder of the Newton 9/11 Memorial, and has given keynote speeches for Newton Veterans Day, Salute to Vietnam Veterans, the Newton 9/11 Commemoration, as well as numerous speeches as a columnist for the the TAB Newspapers and Jewish Advocate. He is currently a candidate for State Committee.
  • rockinrandall

    Whatever you are smoking, I want some of it.

    Who in their right mind would pick John McCain for SecDef?

    He is a traitor and he is insane…

    • I suppose if I have to read fiction this is as good as ever…

      Going down the list of names included, the one that is excluded speaks volumes.

      And he named all the cabinet positions, and not the President… hmmm…

    • TermLimits

      I love this post, except for my full agreement with Rockinrandall RE: McCain. What’s up with that?!?

  • Steve Aylward

    The point is well taken. The Republican team, the Republican bench, or whatever you want to call it is a very strong one. The Democrats to the contrary have two worn out relics running for the top spot, with only Chief Spreading Bull (as Kuhner calls her) on their bench. As Massachusetts Republicans we tend to forget the gains we have made nationwide in terms of the number of Governors, state legislatures and the like.

    • Brian R McMahon

      Good point, Steve.