Why I will vote for Gabe Gomez

It's true what many Republicans are saying about Gabe Gomez – he isn't a real Republican. Sure he embarrassed himself and the party by asking begging Governor Deval Patrick, in a handwritten love letter, for the job as US Senator to replace Thurston Howell III. Sure he is pro-choice, pro illegal immigration, pro gay marriage and on the wrong side of every other fundamental truth we hold dear. Sure he sucks as a Republican! and not too many people are going to vote for him, but, well but now I am off topic – so getting back to the issue of why I will vote for Gabe Gomez….

The Republican Party is a big tent. And sure Gabe Gomez isn't exactly in the tent. He is kinda standing outside the tent and looking in.  But at least he is looking into the right tent. The Democrat tent is full of creepy people who cross dress and love communism. They wear tinfoil on their heads and lie about how much they help the poor.  They hug trees and hate children.  They think lightbulbs are going to cook the earth.  They think we will soon have Polar bears in NYC.  They all go to Harvard to study group masturbation and live off the trust funds their grandparents left to them.  They collect armpit hair and weave it into sweaters, which they wear to town hall meetings. They don't bathe.

Gabe Gomez is different. Gabe Gomez probably hardly ever wears a tinfoil hat. Now I can't guarantee it, but I think it is also likely he doesn't collect armpit hair from himself or anyone else he knows.  Not sure where I was going with this…

Anyway.  I hate Ed Markey, and that hatred is powerful enough to get me to drive to the voting booth and fill in an oval with a little black pen, that probably cost the taxpayers $5, in support of the 'other guy' in hopes that Ed Markey will disappear from site.  Sure it may be all fantasy, but I am clinging to hope, as a Republican in Massachusetts, that one day we will not be represented by moonbats and dingbats that wear ponytails in their nosehair and buy 'Coexist' bumperstickers for their hybrids.  Maybe, just maybe one day I can awaken and find that a normal human being has been elected in Massachusetts. Someone who has held a job in the dreaded private sector, and had to balance a budget. Someone that had to live within the laws that are passed by the unicorn chasing fruitcakes on Beacon Hill and Capital Hill. Maybe one day we will elect someone that hasn't texted pictures of his penis to elementary school children who are simultaneously being molested by union teachers with full pensions and lifetime health benefits.

I can dream can't I?  I am going to march straight into that voting booth and with a clothespin holding my nose firmly shut I will vote for Gabe Gomez.  I may hate myself in the morning, but at least I exercised in my small way how much I hate Ed Markey.  I may end up gong home after my vote is cast and taking a good long bath to wash all the disappointment off my shoulders, but darnit, I am going to vote – no matter how much I don't want Gabe Gomez as a Republican.

So darnitall, get your clothespins out of your laundry pile and stick one around those nostrils of yours and get your ass out the door and support this guy. You don't have to say anything nice about him. But at least say something awful about the other guy. Blast it all over Facebook, Google, Yahoo and every other data selling fed puppet for all to see.

I hate Ed Markey, and therefore I vote for Gabe Gomez…

 

 Boy with Clothespin On Nose

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