How to lose the surest election in history in just 5 weeks by Martha Coakley

(Ladies and Gentlemen, RMG’s own Ken Pittman!   – promoted by Garrett Quinn)

1) Prepare for a federal election run with state election money to raise a few red flags and start an investigation. (check)

2) Make it overly obvious that you are going to run for the seat currently held by Senator Kennedy before the word glioma is pronounced correctly by local news anchors. (check)

3) Flip Flop on the issue which got you through the primary election (check)

4) Go on vacation for a week during a six week special election. (check)

5) Declare Afghanistan a MISSION ACCOMPLISHED in a debate. (check)

6) Piss off Red Sox Nation by laughing at your opponent shaking hands at Fenway Park (check)

7) Go down to Washington in stealth but alert the media to your hypocritical fundraiser with “enemy corporate giants” who stuff your bra and then hire a beefy nerd to whack a reporter so ten thousand camera flashes catch you in Washington then deny you witness an assault and battery four feet from the direction you are facing. (check)


About Ken Pittman