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Prison Sex!

Rep. Gloria Fox is totally in to sneaking into prisons but doesn’t like the whole S&M thing. Somewhere I have a photo of a car with Gloria Fox stickers and the Playboy Bunny logo…Gotta go dig that up. Oh, right Prison Sex Scandal!

Boston Herald

Dracut selectmen hate being on local cable access tv. Open Meeting Laws suuuuck hard, huh?

Lowell Sun

“If we get to a point where everyone is insured, then we can move on to worry about the affordability of care.” Hey remember that awful health care law Mitt Romney signed? You know the one that FORCES YOU to have health insurance?  Yea, it still sucks. Thanks Mitt! Forced Universal Health Care Rules! (Imagine, if Deval Patrick tried to pass something like this. I wonder what the outcry from the right would be like.)

Boston Globe

Dem Moooselms got a preschool in Cambridge and it’s got money problems.

Cambridge Chronicle

Education Reform Law report out by MassINC

Springfield Republican

Pay your damn water bill

Patriot Ledger

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Over 100 people showed up at a meeting about a potential casino in Palmer. Their concerns ranged from jobs for Palmer residences to whether it would disrupt their “peace and quiet.” Free drinks and comp dances were not served to everyone in attendance. Springfield Republican

Boston Police Officer John Mullan was pissed when the State Senate voted to cut funding for the Quinn Bill. So he did what any rational government employee would do…he wrote parking tickets.  Mullan went on a ticket writing spree at the State House issuing tickets to several cars, some to cars that were even parked legally. Reasonable. Boston Herald

Framingham, also screwed. Metro West Daily News

Outrage over cuts to health care for LEGAL immigrants. Didn’t they get the memo to start a brigade? (Yes, I am going to beat that into the ground.) Boston Globe

No pay raises for Billerica employees. Lowell Sun

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Miss California is still hawt.

Pancakes can make everything better. Just ask the people of that wicked safe city Springfield. How safe is Springfield? Well, the first five stories on my Google Reader were either car wrecks or armed robberies. Springfield Republican

Derrick Z. Jackson manages to write a column for the Boston Globe without mention George W. Bush or college graduation rates for blacks. For that he earns a bravo and a Charles Foster Kane Clap! He is learning to come up with original material without his binky!  Today he lavished praise on Lord Emperor Poohbah Obama’s support for NASA and mysteriously failed to mention how President Bush actually increased spending for NASA. Whatever, in his world Bush was an evil Nazi war criminal set on destroying black America with an army of Cyclops zombie FEMA agents. Barack Obama just radiates light from his head while putting dudes back on the Moon. Boston Globe

What a turnout at the annual town meeting in Ayer. In a town of almost 8,000 people only 58 Ayerians cared enough to get off their ass and vote on the future of the town. (This is Ayer we’re talking about not Bill Ayers so calm the fuck down)  The town meeting approved a new $300 fine for marijuana possession and something about zoning laws. The new marijuana law spits in the face of voters who overwhelmingly approved a measure this fall to decriminalize marijuana possession. The reasoning given was they wanted to discourage Ayer from “becoming a destination for pot use.” Hey everybody let’s go get high in Ayer and do whatever they do in Ayer for fun. Lowell Sun

People don’t have money to buy stuff and this is hurting sales tax revenues. So the best thing the Massachusetts Legislature can think of is to raise the sales tax. Hooray our flourishing economy!   Capitol View

State Senate punches Governor Patrick in the face with new campaign finance rules; Aloisi shouts at him from his corner to stay down. Meanwhile, we’re supposed to believe that the legislature cares about campaign finance reform. Does anyone remember Clean Elections?  Boston Globe

Teh Gheys celebrate their right to marriage and eventually destroy the sacred institution in divorce court. Cambridge Chronicle

Governor Patrick is still outraged; forming brigade. Boston Herald

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Local legend Brad Wyatt destroyed his incumbent opponent in the Boylston School Committee race 588-311.  Wyatt was profiled in RMG a few months back. He will soon be governor of Massachusetts and give everyone candy.

Worcester Telegraph & Gazette

Holliston buys some used ropes from Wellesley for $1. “Actual retail price…

Metro West Daily News

Hanover votes to allow for expansion of Hanover Mall and to spend $84,000 to study town buildings.

Patriot Ledger

Patriot Ledger – 1

AG Martha Coakley cuts a deal with Goldman Sachs regarding subprime mortgages. For her next trick she will lower the cost of housing.

Springfield Republican

Aiden Quinn, formerly known as Georgia Quinn, has all sorts of problems with his records. It appears he registered to vote as a female in Dorchester and that he has few speeding tickets, too. Michelle McPhee is reporting that his hire counted as a “minority” hire because he was transgendered and his sex his listed as “FTM.” His MySpace page was removed almost immediately after the crash. UniversalHub pulled this from his MySpace page before it was removed:

I’m a chill, hardworking and down to earth guy. I believe there is a lesson to be learned in everything, and everything happens for a reason. I’m very spirtitual, but not religous. Just trying to get myself grounded. I know who I am and what I want from life. There is alot to be said of the life of others, I try to take in a little bit of everything from all the cultures. Just trying to keep the positive influnces in my life, and cut off the rest.

Governor Patrick has an empty calendar because, well…I guess he had to sign bills out in upstate New York or wherever the fuck he lives out there. Anyway, he isn’t the first governor to do this. Hey, Mitt Romney took off nearly ALL OF 2006 to run for president or as it’s now known “light money on fire.”

Boston Globe

YOUR Red Mass Group was at Governor Patrick’s community forum in Braintree last night. We hope to have some video and a report from it up soon. We’re  happy to report that we did encounter Lyndon LaRouche people at the event and boy were they fun.  

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Swedish Hookers Ignore Local Old People On Mass Pike

Nobody shows up for an election in Scituate where nobody is running against nobody for nothing.   Patriot Ledger

Sucker buys the Metro from Swedes. The deal included a bag of meatballs and a bookshelf named Stockholm that will fall apart in five years.

Boston Herald

Rhode Island has nothing better to do so they’re trying to outlaw indoor hookers because that will make this horrible activity stop! Back on Planet Earth they’ll probably just go use craigslist and get stabbed by creepazoids in swanky hotels. Boston Herald

Panagiotakos says we are so f’ing screwed it’s not funny anymore. Um…Senator, it’s hilarious. Lowell Sun

Mass Pike doesn’t suck on Mother’s Day. Boston Globe

In other Pike news John Travolta Jan R. Schlichtmann filed a lawsuit against the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority on the grounds that the tolls are an “illegal tax” and “unconstitutional expropriation of money.” One of the plaintiffs in the lawsuit ran a ballot initiative to tear down the tolls several years back; it ultimately failed because the voters in this state have short memories. When all else fails SUE! Boston Herald

Old people taking well paying jobs from unionized government employees! Why aren’t these old people making the prevailing wage? They need an organizer! Someone call Jim Braude! Springfield Republican

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Urrrrrrbody hates Jay Severin including those dirty Mexicans

Is Jay Severin ever going to broadcast on WTKK again? Not likely. Severin, who clearly does not like Mexican food or Mexican women, is losing sponsors faster than Michael Phelps. We’re not talking weak local sponsors like Juan’s Taco Stand, either. At least we’ll never have to hear that NINETY-SIX-NINE shit again. And what is with the turtle necks, did a vampire give you a hickey? Creep Boston Globe

Governor Cadillac is raiding the raining day fund because you deadbeats don’t have any money to pay taxes with. “We have done our best to implement reforms, cut costs, and protect the core services of government that people rely on more than ever in times like these,” Patrick said in a statement. As Howie Carr would say, please don’t let this shake your faith in the Commonwealth. Boston Globe

City of Lowell employees go crazy on the Lowell Sun message boards and start calling people out for stealing from the 99 Restaurant like 10 years ago. What did they steal, steak? Did they always come back for more? Lowell Sun

Mansfield is trying to pass a local ordinance that would increase the fine for possessing marijuana. The local police chief says that the weakening of the law “is going to cause some serious problems.” Maybe if it were legal it would not cause any problems, ever think of that? Sun Chronicle

Young girl in Springfield has swine flu; still not dead. Springfield Republican

Before swine flu was going to kill us there was bird flu, or avian flu as it was known by the insane news media. Now, the swine flu is mixing with the bird flu. Just thought you’d like to know that we will all die one day and most likely from some form of super flu. Or Africanized honey bees. Or sharks. Or Ted Kennedy’s car.   Boston Herald

Dom DiMaggio, Red Sox legend, died when he found out Manny was on the juice the entire time. DiMaggio Dies Gerry Callahan mentions that he hates Manny for the thousandth time

And one more thing…

Mother’s Day is coming up and we know how everyone waits till the last minute to buy her something. So instead of waiting till the last minute and buying flowers from the guy at the intersection get her an Gift Card. You may not know what she wants but she will. Show your mom that you love her buy getting her a gift card for TAX FREE shopping.  

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Long Live The Boston Globe…I Guess

The Boston Newspaper Guild decided to stop acting like a bag of dicks and cut a deal. This will put off their demise for another six months. What is it like to work for the Chrysler of newspapers? The Boston Globe is Dead! Long Live The Boston Globe! Or something.  The Boston Globe

Dianne Wilkerson pleads not guilty even though there are pictures and video of her clearly taking bribes.

This trial should be fantastic. Boston Herald

There is a talent search going on in Attleboro for a candidate to challenge Mayor Kevin Dumas. Daryln Hanlin, some guy who ran two years ago, is the only announced candidate Sun Chronicle

More fallout from the SJC’s ruling on gun possession charges South Coast Today

Doug Bennett announced that he submitted over 4,000 signatures for his City Council race.  Red Mass Group

Way out in Cheshire the local townsfolk voted to stop collect excise taxes on farmers’ equipment, animals, and machinery. They set up a petting zoo with cute sheep to secure their votes. The sheep were later slaughtered and a feast was held. The End. North Adams Transcript

Dennis votes to lower their property taxes Cape Cod Times

LOOK OUT! Phelan vs. Koch rematch in Quincy; Pay per view details to come for Quake in the Quarry 2 Patriot Ledger

Everyone is still dying of swine flu. Lock your doors, duct tape your windows, wash your hands, and don’t move. Also, stop breathing. Boston Globe

And one more thing…

Mother’s Day is coming up and we know how everyone waits till the last minute to buy her something. So instead of waiting till the last minute and buying flowers from the guy at the intersection get her an Gift Card. You may not know what she wants but she will. Show your mom that you love her buy getting her a gift card for TAX FREE shopping.  

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If Swine Flu Doesn’t Kill You Revere Beach Will

Remember how the MBTA was going to replace the elevated Orange Line with some form of rail service? Yeah…they don’t. Hooray for more sparkling silver buses for poor people. Boston Globe

Joe Lieberman isn’t good with money. Hartford Courant

Every union has cut an agreement with the Boston Globe except those selfish brats at the Boston Newspaper Guild. Com’on guys whatever happened to union solidarity with your brothers and sisters? Boston Globe

More good news for newspapers: Filene’s files for bankruptcy. Boston Globe

Damn’t! Those horny teenagers in Ashland keep touching each other and transmitting swine flu. Don’t they know that EVERYONE IS GOING TO DIE FROM THIS HORRIBLE VIRUS!!! Boston Herald

If swine flu doesn’t kill you Revere Beach will. Boston Herald

State tax revenues plummeted for the millionth time in a row. Governor Patrick is freaking out while Senate President Therese Murray remains as cool as the other side of the pillow. Worcester Telegram and Gazette

Join me at the Phoenix Landing for Arsenal vs Manchester United in the final leg of the Champions League Semi-Final. 2:30pm ESPN.  

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Dover throws mad parties dude guy

When was the last time you went to a raging bender in Dover? Woooo! Keg stands on the front porch! – Boston Globe

Governor Patrick is angry about pensions. Says something. No one cares. Boston Globe

Boston Herald points and laughs at Boston Globe. Also, unions. Boston Herald

Insurance company to mail out notices in lieu of useless Registry of Motor Vehicles. Springfield Republican

All the state reps from Cambridge voted the same way on the budget and its amendments. Cambridge Chronicle

Bruins Lose

Sox Lose

Revs Lose

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