So reports are that Massachusetts has been welcomed into the Swine Flu scare as two young brothers have contracted the disease from a recent trip to Mexico. First and foremost, I hope the boys are fine.
Second, a quick bit of research on the subject at BMG has offered some interesting facts and figures. AmberPaw has informed us that the 1918 pandemic was caused by the lack of ‘herd immunity’ to the newly mutated disease. Isn’t that the definition of a ‘pandemic’? AmberPaw also goes on to tell us that 675,000,000 Americans dies in that pandemic. Yes, that is 675 million if you count all the zeroes. Imagine that, 3 to 4 times as many people died in the US as lived in the US. I think Amberpaw has the same trouble as Obama with the talk of millions instead of thousands, but hey if it helps you scare people then okay…
Third, the WHO has raised the pandemic threat level to 5 on a 6 point scale. 5 indicates that a couple people in two countries have the illness. If two people in two countries is a 5 then what is a 1? I assume a 6 is ‘run for your life’. Seems like a big spread between 5 and 6.
Medical facilities around the country are ratcheting up the tactics to keep people safe. They issue reports of things you can do to keep safe. Highest among them is ‘wash your hands’. Wait a minute – wash your hands is the best they can offer? The world is about to be thrust into the real life science fiction thriller of all time and ‘wash your hands’ is all the best they got?
Here is my list of things you can do to avoid swine flu:
1 – No kissing pigs. I don’t care how pink and cute they are when they are young.
2 – Wash the pig’s hands.
3 – Don’t read the Boston Globe. Swine flu travels best on left leaning newspapers.
4 – Do not buy homemade pork rinds from feverish, coughing illegal immigrants.
5 – Call your Congressman and tell him/her “No more pork”.
6 – Do not share eating utensils with any member of the pig family.
7 – Do not allow Carlos, your ‘undocumented’ landscaper, to give you a receipt printed on raw pigskin.
8 – Run screaming through the streets. It won’t really help, but what a lot of fun…
9 – When the wagon comes around, and the people yell “Bring out your dead” please make sure the people are actually dead before throwing them onto the wagon. See Monty Python skit here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v…
10 – Tell people that swine flu is transmitted thru the DailyKos and BMG websites.
That is all. You can now go back to the remaining few moments of your lives.