(Nothing like writing a fundraising plea as your first blog post!)
Today we mourn the death of our beloved and most trustworthy friend. One who tirelessly printed thousands upon thousands of “Dear Neighbor” letters, campaign solicitations, thank yous and even the wayward press release with which the liberal media never ran…
Yes, on this day March 27, 2009, Harold Porter Laserjet or “HP” as his colleagues referred to him, printed his last half-letter, sputtering out with a small plume of smoke. In the middle of a letter to a constituent no less!
Alas, who could replace such a steadfast stalwart? No one. He was irreplaceable. At least, that was what we thought…
Until by an incredible stroke of good fortune, we found-through our contacts at Staples-that HP’s next of kin happens to live in North Weymouth! As fate would have it, HP LaserJet P1006 printer, a grand-nephew, is currently in search of work. While nothing like the old man, he has a strong spirit and solid conservative leanings. A fiscal conservative and true believer, he would agree to come on board for $99.98 (plus tax, confound it).
But only for a limited time! According to our contacts at Staples, if we don’t act now, that price will change to $179.98. The horror!
That’s why we’re reaching out to conservatives throughout the ether and asking 50 of you to make a $2 donation (more if you can!) toward the cost of acquiring this printer. This Staples sale ends this weekend, so for the price of a half-latte at Starbuck’s, or a Big One at Dunkin’ Donuts, you can help the Pap Committee reach voters the most low-cost, effective manner.