USE THE FORCE, DUMMY!

FULL DISCLOSURE: This is being simulcast on RedMass, BlueMass and chimpschumpspolitics, and in a modest number of North Left Coast Newspapers.

“May the Force be with you.” This line, from the Star Wars series of films, has long resulted in various plays on words, and tongue-in-cheek advice to various officials. Herewith, I trot it out and aim it at Dubya.

The Senate, having shown that its Democratic ass is on just as backwards as that of the House, passed more or less the same money bill for the War in Iraq as did the house. Strings attached, the bill provides for limited continuation of the US effort there, said strings being a fixed, predetermined withdrawal date.

Let’s draw a parallel. Your team is playing in the Super Bowl. You share ownership in that team, with, say, 99 other Senators owners. That team has a whole bunch of pretty savvy assistant coaches, trainers and various other hangers-on, to whom you guys pay Big Ugly Bucks. That team also has a BRILLIANT coach, one who took over in mid-season, led the previously mishandled team to a series of spectacular victories, and wound up today in the Ol’ Super Bowl! You don’t like this guy very much, in fact you DETEST him, but he’s a winner, so you pay HIM Big, Ugly Bucks. Finally, your players are the best, and you pay THEM Big Ugly Bucks, and give them the best possible equipment.

But your quarterback is blinded-sided by a “sacrificial lamb,” and injured seven minutes into the second quarter, losing the ball on the opponents 14-yard-line in the process. And even though the offender is ejected summarily from the game, you’re pretty glum about the whole thing. Further, the opposing team has a series of plays never seen by your coaches before, and are brutally executing them, picking up yards and first downs. And following a spectacular SIX-MINUTE, time-consuming drive, your opponents score their second touchdown. Frankly, at the Two-Minute-Warning, you are discouraged as hell, and you start grousing among yourselves about this loser team and this loser coach, and this loser staff to whom you are, after all, paying big, ugly bucks. The game’s not over, you decide, but it might as well be; you’re having your LUNCH eaten by all these new and unexpected plays!

And there you sit, all 100 of you, in your comfortable sky-box, sipping champagne and eating caviar, watching your team take a 7-zip lead in the first two minutes of the game, then fall prey to new and unexpected plays from the other side. Down 14-7 at the halftime two-minute warning, you quickly huddle with your fellow owners, and decide that this game is lost. And, in an even MORE idiosyncratic move, you go next door to the announcer’s booth, and TELL them this! Finally, you announce that you are only going to allow the team to play through the end of the third quarter, and then you are going to take your team off the field, get on the plane and fly home!

Now this would be stupid enough, but then, even as you are making this announcement, your replacement quarterback, in a series of brilliantly executed plays, scores a TD with 1:46 left to play! The crowd goes NUTS! And then, following a dazzling on-sides kick, your team recovers the ball at midfield! And they begin another drive to the opposition’s goal line. With the crowd roaring its approval, the announcer asks you if you wish to consider your decision to leave the game at the end of the third quarter.

And as your team kicks a half-ending field goal from the 22, taking the LEAD 17-14 you tell him:

“No, our decision stands.”

INSANE!

General Petraeus is our replacement quarterback. He is winning spectacularly with the adjustments he had made, and he even has Sunni and Sh’ia CO-OPERATING, AND FIGHTING al QUEDA! But the team’s owners are STILL determined to take them off the field at the end of a preset time, and fly home. Worse yet, they have sent this decision to the TEAM!

INSANE!

It is time for Dubya to use the Force. Uh, that would be the Bully Pulpit. Go after these Dim-witted fool Democrats tooth and nail, shackle them publicly, hound them from every microphone within reach, and “FORCE” them to SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!

Today would be a good day to start. And it would ensure Congress has a hobby to keep them from any additional damn-fool legislation for awhile . . .

I would value non-Monday-Morning-Quarterbacking responses from the loyal opposition.

Best,
Chuck

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